CAUTION! more bodily function stories CAUTION!
If you are one of those squeamish types or even just the type to be disgusted by burping, flatulence and the drippy, yellow noses, then please skip down to my kitty cat post for a cutesy laugh!
If, however, you are a nurse or a mother or a realist, than read on!
I was putting my little Juli to bed a few nights ago. I always lay down with her to tell a story and sing a song. So I snuggled under the covers and cradled her in the crook of my arm. She seemed like she had nestled in, so within the protective wall of sheets, I let one rip!
Now come on...everyone farts! If we didn't there would be infinite more cases of HIC - Hominal Internal Combustion.
And every pregnant woman, no matter how plushly attired and well groomed, farts when she thinks no one can hear. At least I didn't toot until any aroma would be trapped beneath the sheets.
My plan had one tiny flaw...Juli wasn't comfortable. She readjusted herself and the covers with her.
About 6 years ago when I began sharing my bed with a man, I figured out that being oblivious to the smell of your own flatulence was not just a theory. In fact it is now proven by married women across the globe!
Needless to say, I was not tainted by any smell my toot must have produced. But little Juli, being the naive little angel that she is, spoke up:
"I tmell someting!"
I giggled "Does it smell yucky?"
"Yea! Tmells like poops!"
Now I am really laughing! And wafting the covers in an attempt to breathe fresh air!
"Mommy has a tooty booty!" We say that one thanks to Fidget!
Juli very seriously said "Tomorrow (which means yesterday) I had a tooty booty!"
Through my laughter I apologized, "Yeah - I'm sorry Juli - Mommy won't tooty anymore!" A moment of silence as she considered this promise.
Then she said, with a tinge of resentment
"It's not funny!"
My husband was putting my son to bed the next night and encountered the same dilemma: Let it out or internally combust. I doubt he thought about it for more than a millisecond, being the champion cheese cutter that he is (aren't they all?). Except his tooty booty was very audible (nothing of aroma was mentioned).
Ben said "What was that sound?"
DH played dumb, "What sound?"
"It went thhhhhhlllllpppp" proceeding to make a raspberry sound with his tongue.
Laughing, the hubster anonymously replied, "It was a toot!"
Again, a moment of silence. "Was it mine or yours?"
posted by Robyn @ 12:38 PM
4 Comments:
What IS your problem? This obsession with flatulence. Do you have to talk about it and worse yet write about it? Juli was right. "Yuk" You are raising kids who are going to infuriate teachers because you are their role model. If Mommy does it, they will do it everywhere. Most inappropriate parenting.
wow, nice... and cowardly
please return back to your stepford wives corner of the world and leave teh rest of the general farting population in peace asshole
I must concur with the problems this presents in the raising of a child. If you teach your child now that you are human, you might fail to raise them up as individuals incapable of understanding the flaws of others. You might even (gasp) create the impression that you are an approachable person instead of some model of perfection that has to take it upon themselves to complain about what others do in their own personal space.
At least if you were considerate of others, you might provide a warning in the title and a whole paragraph further warning before you got into it.
Instead, you present this to us and leave us all concerned about the welfare of your children, as they clearly run the risk of becoming normal, well adjusted individuals.
NO! Writing about flatulence on a blog! The horror! (And yes, you are cleeeearly obsessed with it. I doubt there's much else you think about it, you bad girl.)
The worst part is, suddenly all those posts on blogs about beastiality and s&m and satanic sacrifice suddenly don't seem quite so bad.
Tsk tsk.
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