The Nerve of Some People!

It was pitch black but I could still see the smoke coming out of my ears.

DH and I love to talk before we fall asleep. Everything is quiet and dark and still, our insatiable hunger for one another has been satisfied for the moment and so we lay in the dark and talk. Sounds like every woman's dream man right? I thought so too...at least for the first 20 minutes of the conversation.

I was complaining (again) of my childhood. I think pregnancies tend to do that; make you dig up the past in order to better the future. I was saying how my parents never had me engaged in anything. I never played sports or took gymnastics or dance. I never learned music or how to play an instrument. I didn't get to build homes for the homeless or go on mission trips. For a very short period of my life I took horseback riding lessons (my passion) and then horse camp and I was in heaven. But there was no follow through. I was told lessons and riding were too expensive. After that the only time I got to ride was when it was my birthday.
My mother offered to be a softball mom and I turned it down. I throw like a girl! She also attempted to get me into flower pressing and stamping. After a first class I remember expressing to her the fact that being in there with a bunch of old ladies wasn't really enjoyable for me.

But because I was the quiet child, the one who could play alone and teach herself from the textbooks provided (homeschooling at it's best) I think it was very easy to overlook me. And I was not the child who would ever ask for anything...except if I was allowed to have a piece of gum after lunch, or if I could call one of my 3 friends to see if they could play.

By the time I was ready to branch out on my own I had no self confidence. I had nothing to have any pride about. I had not accomplished anything. I had no aspirations or even a glimpse of how the real world works. I had a passion, a few, but they lay dormant because no one had ever taken the time to encourage them.

My freshman year in college was also my senior year of high school, called duel enrollment. My teacher for my freshman Comp. noticed one of my gifts, my passions, and that is writing. Now, writing comp papers isn't really the passion I mean when I say I love to write. And yet still, wrapped within the layers of the introductions, body paragraphs and conclusions, my gift shown through. My teacher invited me to attend his gifted, AP (whatever it's called) English class. I remember the excitement I felt. I was good enough - and I hadn't even graduated highschool yet! I accepted his offer immediately, my heart and mind racing at the thought of this new challenge. And then I was told that duel enrolled students were not welcome to attend those "higher education" classes.

As I look back now I realize I could have good at so many things if I had had the chance. If someone was to ask me to sum up my childhood in one word I think "boring" would be appropriate. I don't think I ever felt like a child, no cares, no worries, just doing what I loved to do! And doing it well...making my parents proud!

I want that for my kids! I know it costs money - and I'm willing to make what it takes. I think it is very important for kids to be engaged and I think it is not valued enough in today's society. Those hoodlums in my old neighborhood who spent their afternoons scrawling up the local park and drinking boos and smoking pot might actually make something of themselves if they felt like they could be a part of something bigger than life!

I have no idea if I'm making any sense but it feels good to write it.

So, after this wonderful conversation with my hubby, in which we were in full agreement and getting excited about he futures of our children, he snuggles in next to me. He began to share how exciting his new job is getting. He has connected with a group of wine and gourmet food importers and is helping them build their empire. They recently began importing coffee as well. Evidently (he was telling me) selling coffee takes a lot of knowledge from how it's grown to how is packaged. Ok, guess I can understand that. So, (he continues) they will probably need to take a class on this stuff to better learn how to sell the coffee. Ok, that sounds good too. Then he says, "So, they are thinking of sending me to the classes for a couple of weeks...in Spain!"

Am I supposed to be excited about this?